Equipoise
by Find-A-Way-Today
Summary: It has been five years since I left the Spirit World, and now I return. Too long I have waited to be rescued from a world I don't belong in, and now I return upon my will, through the gates astride my only friend. But the Spirit World is not how I remember it. On the surface, yes. But underneath, the equipoise of power among the spirits has shattered. I must restore it, regardless.


1st chapter~

**Authors Note**

Hey there fellow Miyazaki lovers!

It's me, 'Find-A-Way-Today' here with my own spirited away fanfiction!

This is my third or fourth fic (never actually finished a work before though 0-0 ), and it will of course be post SA (Spirited Away). Hope you guys enjoy and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask!

*Just a side note, all the commands that Chihiro uses with Kemuri in this chapter come directly from the commands I use on my horse. (Yes I have trained him – partially- in Japanese.) Some of them are not the regular commands, i.e. when I want my horse to go I say "get up" (literally) or I say "Forward/onward" and when I want him to settle down I tell him "Easy out" or, if I happen to be holding on for dear life then a simple "easy" will do for him.

Disclaimer: I don't, nor will i ever own Hayou Miyazaki (sp?) Spirited Away, nor it's characters, ideas, or other affiliated content. I in no way claim ownership of these, so please don't sue :)

* * *

**Writing Key**

Normal = normal

_Italicized_ = flashback/ emphasis

**Bold** = emphasis/ noise

* * *

**Translations!**

Kemuri （けむり）= Smoke

Oitateru (おいたてる)= Forward (go)

Hai （はい）= Giddy up (yes, this also means yes; and I couldn't find the translation for get up so I just used this.)

If you are a fluent Japanese speaker and I screwed any of these terms up (I know I did!) then please point it out!

-ありがとう ございます！

* * *

_**Equipoise**_

~Chapter One~

Abandoned in September

~Quote~

"The only thing harder than walking away, is not looking back." ~Unknown

* * *

"_Do you promise we'll see each other again?"_

"_Promise. Now go, and whatever you do don't look back."_

* * *

" 'The only thing harder than walking away, is not looking back.' The author is unknown. Huh. Sounds like that quote was made for me, eh Kemuri?"

A horse lifted his head; it's onyx eyes sparkling with an obvious reply. His rider giggled softly, the noise lost as a sudden gust of wind tousled her sepia colored locks.

The beast snorted, his expression that of someone who would be pleading _"Gimme a break!"_ as he pawed the grassy earth.

She cocked her head to the side, "Aww, c'mon now Kemuri. Don't be like that!" she teased, sitting up to pat the large, ebony coated horse. He tossed his head in reply, his intelligent, onyx eyes provided all the words she needed.

That is, until he decided to steal her bag.

Chihiro suddenly found that she was no longer lounging atop her valiant steed, but instead lying spread eagle on the ground, watching said valiant steed gallop away with her satchel. "Kemuri!" She hollered, shooting to her feet. "You better get your ass back over here right now mister if you want to see any grain for the next week!"

The horse threw on the brakes, creating a shower of dirt and mud just before he went in reverse desperate to prevent the loss of his precious grain. Chihiro smirked, "Silly Ponyboy." She breathed, watching as her mount literally ricocheted off the ground at her empty threat.

"C'mon now Kemuri, we got to get going if we want to reach the gates before sundown ne?" she asked, ruffling his inky black mane with affection when he dropped the burlap satchel into her hands and nuzzled her shoulder asking for forgiveness.

Chihiro giggled, quickly pecking her horse on the nose before stowing her aging book away, swinging the weathered satchel onto her shoulder and herself onto Kemuri's back. She scooted forward a bit so that she sat comfortably just behind his withers, and then plucked the thin, rope reins from his mane. "All right, _Oitateru!_ _Hai!_" and with a quick squeeze they were off, comfortably loping down the all too familiar road.

The young, 15-year old sighed, and couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia wash over her as she advanced down the worn, dirt and gravel road. It was one she had been down more times than she could count; yet it always seemed to come to a dead end of heartbreak. It had been five years since her departure from the spirit world, and it had been five years since Chihiro had made what she considered to be the biggest mistake of her life.

Her heart suddenly pulsed with a familiar aching sadness, "It's been exactly five years Haku." She muttered, "How long is it going to take to keep your promise?" her words quieted, lost in the wind that whistled by her ears. She quickly blinked away the tears that were beginning to form, all the while praying that this time she would make it through that damn gate – and that her world would be waiting for her on the other side, the same as it had been five years ago.

A renewed sense of hope rushed through her, and she leaned forward burying her hands into the already cantering steed's thick mane. Her legs suddenly gripped his body like it was a matter of life or death, and she let out three, sharp, shrill whistles.

She watched as Kemuri's ears perked, and swiveled forward in anticipation like they always did. His onyx eyes flickered to life as his nostrils flared, taking in a great, deep, breathe of air. Chihiro all but held her breath, her heartbeat soaring as she felt the equine's muscular frame gather underneath her legs.

To put it simply, they were flying. The great steed's legs thundered up the road, so fast the pair was simply another shadow flickering against the darkness to those who weren't looking hard enough.

Chihiro closed her eyes, relishing the feel of the wind tugging at her hair, and the freedom that it allowed. In a rare moment of happiness she let out a loud _'whoop!'_ her voice, all but lost in the wind. These were Chihiro's favorite moments. Why? Because they reminded her of better times, specifically times when she was atop a pearly white dragon, far above the clouds and away from all the earthly troubles. It was these times and the memories they held that caused her heart to ache to the point of breaking, the only thing stopping it was a young, green-eyed, boys – no spirits promise to her.

Kemuri whinnied, his body humming under hers as he did, bringing her back to reality, and she glanced up. "There it is Ponyboy." She whispered, defaulting to his _'pet'_ name as she slowed the great Friesian to a walk. "There's my only chance at ever seeing him again, my only shot at going back home."

He nickered to her, hoping to provide re-assurance upon sensing his companions anxiety. She smiled, and patted his shoulder before dis-mounting next to the little stone statue that seemed to guard the red tunnel behind it. She couldn't help but grin warmly at the little figure that greeted her every time she came. Funny, how that same statue had been the one to scare the living daylights out of her so many years ago, and call her crazy but she even looked forward to its silent greeting every time she came.

The gate to the spirit world hadn't changed one bit since she was ten, well save for a few more little sections of red paint peeling from the plaster here and there it was the same. The overgrown foliage still decorated the building's storefront appearance, though they remained unable to hide the aged crimson color below it. It certainly still looked abandoned, and for the most part it was minus the young girl that came to visit it as often as she possibly could.

A sigh escaped Chihiro's trembling lips, "Easy now Chihiro." She whispered to her self as she ran a shaky hand though her hair, "All you got to do is walk through the tunnel. That's it. Easy-Peasy right?" she gulped in response. Her bare feet shuddered as they carried her toward the entrance of the building, and the girl quickly crossed both her fingers and her toes. "Please, please let this be the time. Please." she whispered, her eyes squeezed shut as she pleaded with some unknown force that she be allowed back this time.

"This will be the day." She thought, her fists clenching with hardened resolve. "This will be the day I get through, the day I go back to the bathhouse, the day I return to my family, the day I return home." Her eyes opened, revealing a will of fire burning behind her smoky quartz colored gaze. "The day I finally see you again, Haku. Because if you wont come to me, then I'll come to you!"

She inhaled deeply, and marched forward straight toward the tunnel that presumably led to the other side. Her eyes were practically burning holes through the darkness ahead, her strides quickly gaining speed. Closer, closer, only a few more feet now! She closed her eyes, waiting to pass into the darkened tunnel when –

'_**Crash!'**_

"Dammit!" she cursed, rubbing her now sore (and most likely bruised) forehead. Chihiro desperately fought back the tears that were stinging in her eyes, and the pain in her throat as she choked on her rising misery. "No, no it's not supposed to be this way!" she whispered, her voice slowly rising in octaves until it was a full-blown scream.

"Why wont you just let me through! Why? Why can't you just let me in one last time, one last little time!" Chihiro sobbed, her fists smashing themselves against the wall - a tunnel painted seamlessly on it's surface- relentlessly; her torn and bloody knuckles going unnoticed. "I've never wanted anything so badly before! Never before in my life! And yet you deny me it!" She screamed, and vaguely in the back of her weary mind, she wondered for a moment if it was Haku she was yelling at. "Please! I don't know what to do anymore." Her screams had slowly turned into hoarse cries, her throat raw from crying and yelling. "I don't know what to believe in anymore… Who to believe in anymore…"

She collapsed to her knees, bloodied fists clutched to her heaving chest as she leaned against the cool, gravelly wall that separated her from her everything. Chihiro could no longer find the strength even to suppress her sobs, and so she cried there. With hands fisted and her face buried in them, she sobbed and let the world know of the pain, the agony her heart felt.

Suddenly a warm, comforting gust of air fanned her cheeks, and she became aware of her auburn hair that was currently being played with. "Kemuri…" Chihiro croaked; her red, puffy eyes gazed into his own amber colored ones.

He whinnied with concern, wasting no time before he quickly pressed his large blackened head into the lap of his partner. He wasn't stupid, contrary to popular belief, and he had a perfectly good idea of what had caused his friend to be so miserable. No, miserable would be an understatement. Heartbroken was more like it.

For reasons unknown the enormous, inky-black Friesian also felt the tug of the spirit realm on his soul. It called to him, beckoned him towards it yet it was so obviously out of reach. Like teasing a young child with candy by dangling it just above their head and saying _'you can have it, eventually.'_ It angered the equine like none other to see his best friend so distressed, so pained. Although, now that he thought about it the girl had always seemed uncomfortable in this world ever since the day they had met. Almost like she had never truly belonged among those of the human world, almost like him.

Kemuri closed his eyes in frustration, and pressed his massive head further into the lap of his friend. Trying desperately in the only way he knew how to comfort her, because Kemuri's were like that. Constantly curious as to how their whole world (A.K.A. Chihiro) could be comforted, pleased, made content in some way.

Suddenly he sensed his whole world shifting; and with great reluctance the great Friesian backed off slightly, allowing Chihiro some space to rub a puffy red eye.

"Heh, oh well. Guess we'll just have to try again another day huh Ponyboy?" oh kami! She sounded so broken, so absolutely past the point of not return it worried him beyond belief. Where was that spark, that gumption, that fire she possessed not so long ago? Before the everyday day defeats that to her were more than just that, they were a slap in the face that mocked her show of courage and tore her to the ground.

Just thinking about it the horse could barely contain his rage, when he got his hooves on this Haku guy, he was going to make that scum wish he were never born! Some spirit he was huh?

Kemuri snorted with irritation, and tossed his great, blackened head a few times for good measure. His dug his massive feet into the pebbled earth beneath him, clawing at it in his own anger. He would find out what lay beyond that wall, even if it killed him.

"Kemuri_! Ie_!"

A light, tingling sensation upon his rump brought the horse back from his anger-induced oblivion. He stilled almost completely, turning his head around to see Chihiro; now standing daresay impatiently with her arms crossed over her chest, and a cross look upon her face.

Kemuri lowered his head quietly, thoroughly ashamed with himself for angering his friend. "Come on now." She said as the tingling sensation of her gentle pats on his hindquarters fluttered up his spine. "Don't worry about it, okay Kemuri? I don't really miss him that much; I'm just a little frustrated that's all. I guess I'm just being a bit of a baby about it, but I don't need them. I've got you after all don't I ponyboy?"

Liar. He could still see the redness in her tired eyes, and the sodden tear tracks upon her face. The way her shoulder's slumped a little more then usual, and how her smile was absolutely, positively fake. She had never faked a smile at him before.

It scared him, made him think that maybe his person wasn't going to ever be the same. Made him question what he could possibly do to help the girl who was his whole world. Made him harden his resolve as much as a horse possibly could.

The rustle of a burlap sack and the gentle pressure of her squeezing legs around his ribs brought him to, and urged him slowly forward. He knew Chihiro didn't want to leave - she never did – and neither did he. He wanted to know about the voices that called to them beyond that god-forsaken gate, he wanted to see what kind of world it was out there.

He would find out what lay beyond that wall, even if it killed him. For Chihiro.

With resolve hardened and will burning strongly, he jerked to a halt, pebbles scuttling out from underneath his iron-shod hooves as his legs locked up.

"Kemuri. Hey, what's gotten into you huh?" Chihiro whispered, her pulse jumping a bit as she leaned slightly forward, trying to see what might have caused the massive horse to stop. Her eyes scanned ahead, but she could find nothing that might have spooked him in the waning light of the sun.

Only the graveled path lined by the ever-darkening forest greeted her tired eyes. "Ugh, Kemuri." She huffed; annoyed she sunk back down to her comfortable perch in the crook of her horses back. She just wanted to get away from this place, to run away from all the sadness and the pain those great red gates caused. Was that too much to ask?

Chihiro squeezed her horse's sides again, clucking a little as she encouraged him to walk on. But he stood still as stone, almost as if she were not even there. "Kemuri, seriously what's-"

Suddenly - as if it were some cruel, sick, joke - the ancient building behind her moaned, as if waking from its five-year slumber. Her eyes widened, "Haku." The words escaped her lips unconsciously, as if like her they were unwilling to believe what was happening.

Chihiro shook her head, roughly shoved her palms into her tired eyes, "Kami, I must be going crazy I'm imagining things now." She whispered. But behind her, the building moaned again. She wanted desperately to say that she didn't care anymore, but she also could not deny the quickening of her pulse or the sudden bouts of hope that filled her heavy heart.

"_The building, it's moaning."_

"Impossible." She whispered as her spine tingled and the sense of déjà vu rocked her to the very core. "I'm just imagining things, I'm just-"

The chilling autumn wind picked up, brushing past her as it blew toward the building she knew lay behind her. A stray strand of her sepia hair danced a little in the breeze, and she suddenly felt herself choke up as tears dotted at her vision.

Chihiro wanted so badly just to turn around, just to turn around and see everything she had ever known sitting right behind her like it had never left. Her heart clenched, and she was scared. Scared of any more heartbreak, or rejection because she just couldn't take it anymore.

She felt the trust that she had so confidently placed in the hands of that jade-eyed spirit – no boy – finally begin to crumble. Even as the wind tried to draw her back she just couldn't do it. She had been disappointed so many times; who's to say this would be any different from the rest.

The trembling of her mount beneath her startled Chihiro, as she unconsciously checked herself. Her fingers quickly found the reins as she leaned forward, trying to ignore the uncharacteristic shake of her horse as if he were a nervous autumn leaf. The Friesians ears flickered back, and when Chihiro looked into his eyes her breath caught in her throat.

"Kemuri! Don't you dare! Kemuri!" She screamed scrambling for a clump of his mane as the great horse reared up, striking out against the wind. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, holding on for dear life as she felt him come crashing down and the sound of thundering hoofs reached her ears. He was running, faster than they ever had of that she was sure, even if she wasn't brave enough to open her eyes and see Chihiro could feel him and knew that he was headed straight for that gate.

"Kemuri!"

* * *

**End Note**

Word Count Goal: 2,500 words

Word Count: 3,285 words

Woot! Surpassed my goal length! Please R&R, and flames are accepted. All criticism is gladly welcomed, as are compliments! I'll also try to update once every 1-2 weeks, but no promises. Plus, I know i'm absolutely evil! Sorry, Cliff-Hangers are a bitch, somehow they always sneak in there without us authors noticing.. 0-0

P.S. this is non beta-ed, so I apologize for the many grammatical errors I am sure exist. If you would be so kind as to point them out I will gladly fix them!

Until next time,

Find-A-Way-Today


End file.
